Introduction to Tosha Schore: Expert on Parenting Boys

In the realm of peaceful parenting, Tosha Schore is a transformative figure dedicated to helping parents raise emotionally intelligent boys. As an author, speaker, and parent coach, she has made it her mission to empower parents, particularly those raising boys, to create more connected, emotionally intelligent, and peaceful families. Tosha is the co-author of the acclaimed book “Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges,” which has garnered praise from leading experts in the field, including Dr. Laura Markham and Patty Wipfler, founder of Hand in Hand Parenting. Her work is endorsed by professionals who recognize the urgent need to shift the narrative around boys and masculinity, and to foster environments where boys can thrive emotionally.

Tosha’s teachings, widely available through her online courses, webinars, and blog posts, focus on practical strategies to help parents manage challenging behaviors like aggression while fostering emotional connection.

The Importance of Understanding Aggression in Boys

Tosha Schore’s journey into the world of parenting boys began from a deeply personal place. Raised in the feminist movement of the San Francisco Bay Area, Tosha was immersed in the world of women’s empowerment. However, when she became the mother of three boys, she encountered a societal narrative that often labeled boys as “the bad guys.” This realization drove her to redefine the way we raise boys, focusing on emotional intelligence and empathy.

One of Tosha’s key teachings is the understanding that aggression in boys is often a manifestation of underlying fear or frustration. In her online course “Parenting Boys Peacefully,” she explains that aggression is frequently a sign that a child is struggling to process difficult emotions. “Aggression is almost always fear in disguise,” Tosha notes. Recognizing this can help parents respond more effectively, shifting from punishment to understanding.

How to Create a Safe and Loving Environment for Boys

Creating a safe and loving environment is foundational to managing aggression in boys, according to Tosha Schore. In her blog and webinars, she emphasizes the need to separate boys from their behaviors, particularly when they exhibit challenging behaviors such as aggression. “Everyone’s allowed to make mistakes,” she says. “We need to let them know, ‘I see you, I love you, I see things are hard, and I’m not going to write you off.’”

To create this supportive environment, Tosha offers several practical strategies:

Focus on Connection: Engage in activities that bring joy and laughter, helping to build a stronger bond with your child. Tosha frequently discusses the importance of maintaining a daily connection ritual, like sharing a “special time” where the child leads the activity.

Set Loving Limits: Establish boundaries that are firm but compassionate, allowing your child to unerstand the consequences of their actions without feeling rejected. In her teachings, Tosha advocates for a method she calls “Setting Loving Limits,” which involves calmly and confidently setting boundaries while offering emotional support.

Avoid Punishment: Shift away from punishment and towards understanding. Tosha advises against using punitive measures, which can exacerbate feelings of fear and shame, and instead encourages parents to explore the emotions behind their child’s behavior.

The Power of Play in Reducing Aggression

Play is a powerful tool in managing aggression in boys. Tosha advises parents to use play strategically to diffuse tension and build connection. “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people,” she says, highlighting the importance of creating positive interactions through playful engagement.

Proactive Play Strategies:

Rough and Tumble Play: Incorporate physical play into daily routines to help boys release pent-up energy in a healthy way. Tosha’s online teachings often include examples of how roughhousing can be a productive outlet for boys to express themselves and release tension.

Use Play to Set Limits: When you notice aggression brewing, try to redirect it through playful actions, such as a “vigorous snuggle” or a silly game that brings laughter and diffuses tension. Tosha shares numerous playful parenting techniques on her YouTube channel and in her blog, where she explains how to use play as a way to preemptively address aggression.

Addressing Parental Fear: A Key to Managing Aggression in Boys

Parental fear is often a significant barrier to effectively managing aggression in boys. Tosha explains that fear can prevent parents from responding calmly and confidently, which is essential for helping boys navigate their emotions. “Your child can’t change as long as you are scared of him and for him,” she notes.

To address this:

Practice Self-Care: Engage in practices like Listening Partnerships, a tool Tosha often teaches in her courses. This practice allows parents to share their deepest fears and frustrations in a confidential, supportive environment, helping them to process their emotions and reduce anxiety.

Focus on Your Own Healing: Tosha emphasizes that parents need to work on their emotional regulation to better support their children. In her course “Reclaiming Your Parenting Joy,” she offers tools for parents to manage their own emotions and fears, which in turn helps them to be more present and effective with their children.

Why There’s Hope for Change: Empowering Boys to Overcome Aggression

Despite the challenges of raising boys who struggle with aggression, Tosha Schore is hopeful. She believes that with the right tools and support, parents can help their sons overcome these behaviors and grow into emotionally healthy, empathetic men. Her message is clear: “There is so much hope that your child can absolutely move beyond these behaviors with your support.”

Conclusion: The Path Forward for Parents

Managing aggression in boys is not about perfection—it’s about connection, love, and a commitment to growth. Tosha Schore’s insights offer a roadmap for parents looking to create a more peaceful, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent home. By understanding the roots of aggression, creating a loving environment, and addressing our own fears, we can help our boys navigate their emotions and develop into the best versions of themselves.

To listen to the full interview with Tosha Schore, please visit: https://christinelabbe.com/podcast/ and select one of the many platforms where our podcast is featured. Or watch it on YouTube.